Friday, December 29, 2017

Christmas - Mary letter 26


I love you, O LORD my strength, O LORD my stronghold, my crag, and my haven.
 My God, my rock in whom I put my trust, my shield, the horn of my salvation, and my refuge;
you are worthy of praise.
 I will call upon the LORD, and so shall I be saved from my enemies.
The breakers of death rolled over me, and the torrents of oblivion made me afraid.
The cords of hell entangled me, and the snares of death were set for me.
 I called upon the LORD in my distress and cried out to my God for help.
 You heard my voice from your heavenly dwelling; my cry of anguish came to your ears.
The earth reeled and rocked; the roots of the mountains shook; they reeled because of your anger.

Smoke rose from your nostrils and a consuming fire out of your mouth; hot burning coals blazed forth from you.
You parted the heavens and came down with a storm cloud under your feet.
You mounted on cherubim and flew; you swooped on the wings of the wind.
 You wrapped darkness about you; you made dark waters and thick clouds your pavilion.
 From the brightness of your presence, through the clouds, burst hailstones and coals of fire.
 O LORD, you thundered out of heaven; O Most High, you uttered your voice.
You loosed your arrows and scattered them; you hurled thunderbolts and routed them.
The beds of the seas were uncovered, and the foundations of the world laid bare, at your battle cry, O LORD, at the blast of the breath of your nostrils.
You reached down from on high and grasped me; you drew me out of great waters.

You delivered me from my strong enemies and from those who hated me; for they were too mighty for me.
They confronted me in the day of my disaster; but the LORD was my support.
 You brought me out into an open place; you rescued me because you delighted in me. Psalm 18:1-20


Dearest Elizabeth,

Maybe it is the lack of sleep at night, but I sometimes feel like I am in a dream. I am a mother, with a child so totally dependent on me! Throughout my pregnancy and all the troubles that surrounded us, I never imagined what living with this baby might be like. I had no younger siblings, so I didn't have the experience of night feedings and constant diaper changes. I also didn't get to see the moment by moment changes and growth in a child. It is extraordinary, and exhausting all at the same time. I'm never sure if I am going to cry or laugh, sometimes with joy and sometimes being completely overhwlemed. Sometimes I feel at sea and Joseph has no idea how to respond.

The local woman have been showering me with advice, clucking around me like over protective hens. I do appreciate their help and guidance since Mama is not here, but they are a almost constant presence, making sure I do things right. To be fair, they also watch the baby if I need to sleep during the day. They are more than happy to take him off my hands for an hour or two, so I really can't complain. I am just missing you and Mama.

I am sure I will look back on this time with joy and amazement. Today though, I am overwhelmed and feeling both lonely and suffocated. I want to be home, some place I know where everything is and where I can be myself completely as I learn this new role that has changed everything!

Asking for prayers and sending love,

Mary

 

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