When they came to the crowd, a man came to Jesus, knelt before him, and said, “Lord, have mercy on my son, for he is an epileptic and he suffers terribly; he often falls into the fire and often into the water. And I brought him to your disciples, but they could not cure him.” Jesus answered, “You faithless and perverse generation, how much longer must I be with you? How much longer must I put up with you? Bring him here to me.” And Jesus rebuked the demon, and it came out of him, and the boy was cured instantly. Then the disciples came to Jesus privately and said, “Why could we not cast it out?” He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly I tell you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:14-21
I ached to be someone other than me
to fit in to be the right size with blond hair
to never be on the outside but in the center
not to be haunted by painful self doubt.
I thought I was alone in this ache
feeling possessed by demons and desires
wanting to be anything but this oddity
praying for an instant cure to what I am.
No disciple on this earth then or now
had enough faith to change the boy then
and now we often ask for a different self
when God has blessed us richly so.
And faith increased when I accepted all
the demons, the dents and the dimples
the failure that taught me great things
and the solace I found in true honesty.