The packing has begun in earnest and we have gotten to the critical point where there really is no turning back. There is no desire within me to turn back and yet I have considered just running away. Belongings are everywhere. We are trying to sort through, throw out and pack up. Things are stacked awaiting boxes. Boxes are open, half filled, with flaps a-go-go, as if they were hungry forest creatures screaming to be fed. Chaos has the upper hand right now. There is the stuff of our lives everywhere, confusion reigns,and nothing, nothing is normal right now. Staying on the path and following where God is leading us seems harder today then some. Although everything is familiar, it is undone and now totally foreign. I find myself wondering on a regular basis, when gazing at an object awaiting a pack or toss decision, "what was I thinking?" and "where did all this stuff come from?"
" 'I tell you the truth, no one who has left home or wife or brothers or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age, and in the age to come, eternal life.'" Luke 18:29
Jesus has just challenged his disciples with the knowledge that the reign of God is not for the wealthy, proud or educated. He has just told one man he must be born again and his disciples are terrified that they can't measure up to what seems like God's completely irrational and chaotic scheme. Jesus comforts them by reassuring them that they have given up much, and God is and will bless them forever. I am sure they weren't terribly comforted. I am sure that the chaos they experienced seemed too challenging sometimes. I am sure their lives seemed harder not easier, sometimes.
Today, in the midst of all this chaos, I want to remember whether the path is familiar or strange, whether the cost is high and small, whatever God is asking of me - I can go because God goes with me, leading me and taking me by the hand. The way forward is often unfamiliar, or frighteningly familiar, but all the same, God is in the midst of it all. In the midst of the boxes and the sorting, in the midst of the profound chaos, God is there. God, breathing spirit, love and life into the midst of an uncertain way ahead. May we all take a deep breath in the midst of where ever we find ourselves and know for certain - God is right here with us. Incarnate in the middle of the chaos and blessings us now and always.
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